What Does a “Friend” Really Mean Online?
I’m not referring to real life, I’m talking about the ways in which different Social Networking sites use the “friend” term.
On MySpace for instance, a “friend” usually is someone you really know - at least that’s the intention of their design. At least out of the people in your top friends you’re more likely to actually know and be close friends with them than on any other social networking site (Facebook is similar on this).
In other services such as Blogcatalog, Digg, Stumbleupon, etc. the friend feature isn’t so much geared towards encouraging a real human social relationship with other members rather it serves as a sort of filter through which you can view your content.
Now this concept sort of parallels a service that our real life friends actually provide - filtering your content. Content meaning everything from hanging out, having a conversation, enjoying a meal, etc. You choose certain people to share experiences with because they share similar preferences as you. Additionally, each your friends is generally more educated about one subject or another which leads to many things like interesting conversation, and being able to rely on a network of trustworthy people who you can turn to for help on a specific subject when that need arises.
My question to you is: What theory do you think a Social Networking site should follow: that of MySpace/Facebook where your “friends” are actually only a representation of your real life friends or that it should translate the essential value of friendship (sans human interaction) as Digg, Stumbleupon and others do through the development of a network of human content filters?
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I think all of the Social Networking sites started off with the intention of the contact or friend designaton being reserved for those with whom you have at least had some form of contact. As with everything on the internet, good ideas don’t last long before they get abused.
I’m familiar with the systems at BlogCatalog and MyBlogLog and both of tem let someone claim you as a friend with out even asking your permission.
I know that, right this minute, there are 62 people on MyBlogLog that are claiming me as a friend yet they have never even been on my blog but, if you go to their profile page there I am in their friends block.
Fortunately, I don’t think anyone who’s been around for long takes any of that stuff seriously. Everyone knows who falls into their own friends/aquaintances/strangers catagories.
By the way, good post!
Sep 4th, 2007
marinelas2002
Hi!
Well, I think that our mind must be “extensible”. We can accept a term as “virtual friend” if we find interesting what he says in his/her blog/site.
I hope that my English is good :-).
Sep 5th, 2007
igmuska
I met quite a few people on the social networking fringe…some are great, some are not so great but all in all, social networking is fun!
Sep 5th, 2007
digitalnomad
Can’t say I totally agree with you. I have lots of online friends that I have never met. Some I even do business with.
It’s a human content filter. Perhaps “friend” is the wrong term to use.
How about “contact”. Anyway, I just made you a friend on blogCatalog to return the favor. I know that I have never met you…so what’s your point?
Sep 7th, 2007
dennisplucinik
I mean to discuss the different ways in which popular online communities use the term “friend” to describe a feature the purpose/function of which varies greatly across different cases. I apologize if that point wasn’t made strong enough in the article already.
Sep 7th, 2007
RennyBA
This is really a good question and very essential nowadays. First I would divide into two groups: Contacts and Friends. Of the first group, I have 1200 in my Outlook Contact list, mostly business associates but also friends so that I easily could get in touch with them (so that means families too of course). Of such I also have 500+ as contact in LinkedIn from all over the world. Of the other group, Friends, I have a lot of them in FaceBook and BlogCatalog and other places in blogsphere. Most of them I have not met, but I consider them friend anyway. I know them, some even better than the one I have met and call friends.
So the question is: who are friends and how to define friends. Actually I don’t know, but the Internet has certainly open up a new area for friendship and it has its advantages. To understand my point of view, I might also at that I call myself a network evangelist
and if you like to know more about me, just check here 
Sep 8th, 2007
Heidi Cool
Intriguing question, I guess it depends on the service. Some of my Facebook friends I’ve met first in person, and others, such as you I’ve met online. Either way the connection connotes some common interest. Some sites make that connection more strongly than others. On Flickr I’ve corresponded with some friends, and even met one in person. Others I’ve added as contacts because I like their photos, be it on a purely aesthetic basis, or because of the subject matter. There I’ve made a lot of Cleveland connections because I like to see who is shooting what, and if they captured a different mood for a place or event than did I.
Pownce and Streamy on the other hand are far more social, though I personally know a smaller percentage of folks there than I do on Facebook. Yet at the same time I’ve had more intense discussions with some of my Pownce people than with some of the people I really know. My Pownce people also tend to be more geographically diverse. Sometimes on Pownce I’ll just make a random observation or post one of my recent blog entries (which has increased readership) but then I’ll also find myself joining a group dialog or sending private messages on a more specific topic.
The first few days I was a bit lost on Pownce, but now I find it quite intriguing. It’s like the old days when kids had penpals but more immediate. You can have a discussion with someone 12 timezones away, learn about a different culture and also reinforce the idea that you have much in common…esp. as the threads seem to self-select on common ground. Pownce seems to have a lot of tech and art types with a liberal attitude. But that could just be the people I’ve found.
Now I’m rambling and haven’t answered your question at all, but I guess we can have many different kinds of friends each of which adds value to some aspect of our lives.
Sep 11th, 2007
Wayne Smallman
I see where you’re coming from, Dennis.
Other than calling people acquaintances — which has connotations all its own — there’s not really another word that fits.
Or maybe the system is based on various levels of trust? So you start off as an acquaintances, then migrate upwards to a friend, then things branch out; so you could be a trusted colleague, a confidant et cetera.
I’m actually putting together an article on the future of Social Media, and this question comes along at a good time…
Sep 12th, 2007
dennisplucinik
I just registered for Pownce but I haven’t had the time to really look into it much. I am looking forward to though.
I have noticed that some places give you categorization options while setting up a new contact such as the level of friendship (best friend) or the specific type (colleague, family, friend, acquaintance, etc.) which is nice but the way they do it is kind if annoying I think. I’m sure there’s a better way.
Sep 12th, 2007
Heidi Cool
On Pownce you can be a friend or a fan. If you like X’s post and ask to friend them, you become a fan and see their posts in your stream, but they won’t automatically see yours. If they decide to friend you in return then you see each others. In the meantime you can still wander around and see the posts written by friends of friends etc. It seems to work pretty well. Kevin Rose, for example, gets a lot of friend requests, more I’m sure than he could keep up with. By becoming a fan of Kevin I can still see what he and his associates have to say.
It seems to work out pretty well. FYI, I sent you a friend request, so you should see that next time you explore Pownce.
Sep 12th, 2007
dennisplucinik
I did see that actually. I will check it out tonight (maybe) lol. Kevin definitely is sitting atop a growing army of fans.
Sep 12th, 2007
DayJobNuker
I just bit the bullet and signed up for MySpace several days ago. I have since seen lots of people who have friends numbering in the thousands. I think they are just trying to see how many “friends” they can accumulate and that the friends feature is pretty meaningless.
Sep 13th, 2007
Sara
Using the term friend makes our contact with online strangers seem a little stronger, with a positive sugar coating. Not to say these relationships cannot progress into real friendships, but realistically - how many ‘friends’ do you have online, and how many do you actually know by name?
Referring to contacts as friends is further evidence for the social revolution that is occuring online. Be a part of it Friend:)
Sep 13th, 2007
dennisplucinik
On a side note, having a comment-rating feature for my blog would be neat.
Sep 13th, 2007
Wayne Smallman
What about SezWho? (go to: www.sezwho.com)
There are others, but that’s the one I see most often…
Oct 1st, 2007
kelly60
I prefer the idea of social network sites that have more than one option. Yuwie for instance has your main friends group, then you can choose who to put in your top friends group, and also who to include in your favorites. It really isn’t as important in this case who I might add to my main friend list, because I can more selective when breaking my friend list down into the other categories. On other sites where you only have one group, I would want to be more particular who I chose to accept as a friend…
Nov 8th, 2007
cit
i think is the one that you trust and plays with you all the time never tells lies keeps secrets and loves you for who you are.
Feb 6th, 2010
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